I, like many others, have been enthralled by the viral clips of one Gachiakuta, specifically the English dub. Call me a weeb or what have you, but I genuinely prefer to watch anime in its original language – in the same way that I’d watch Lupin in French or Parasite in Korean. I like hearing the delivery of lines and phrases as how they were intended, and I often find, as an English speaker who is not American, that the constant Americanisms (read: bastardised AAVE) in dubbed anime can be jarring. However, when anime has a more conversational script, and has fewer Japanese-style exclamations or cadences, I do like watching it in English. Anime like Cowboy Bebop, Carole and Tuesday, Spirited Away, and Howl’s Moving Castle all have pretty excellent dubs. Gachiakuta is having a moment because the English VA cast is phenomenal. The localisation feels natural most likely because the people delivering and playing around with the script are actually Black Americans, and everyone else in the cast have clearly made it their own (I feel the same way about DanDanDan. Just a great dub).

So obviously, I decided to watch the show.

It starts off decent enough. A dystopia setting where the wealthy live in ivory-paved neighbourhoods, and the rejects live in gated, trash-strewn ghettos. A black abyss surrounds the poor neighbourhood, and lawbreakers are punished by being thrown off a cliff into the darkness. Our main character is a moody loner with some strange affliction on his hands, so he wears gloves. Thanks to the insane expositional dialogue, we’re dumped with his entire backstory in the first ten minutes of the show: his dad’s a murderer who was executed, and everyone in the community suffers because of this legacy. He lives with a guardian who raised him from infancy. None of the other kids like him, but there’s a kind girl who he has affection for. She quickly reciprocates his feelings. Disaster strikes when our main character’s guardian gets killed by a masked stranger. The authorities blame the kid, and he’s sentenced to cliff-drop.

This all seems to happen within two minutes of the love confession. As the whole town look on in disgust, our love interest immediately switches up on him. “So you really were like your dad!” she says. So flaky!

Our main character isn’t sad. He’s not scared. He doesn’t plead for his life. He’s angry. He wants vengeance! He vows to make everyone pay! Even though he’s about to plummet to his death. No final thoughts for his dead foster dad. This is his big turning moment so he’s gotta look the part.

Turns out, the dumping ground is rife with monstrous trash beasts, like industrial dinosaurs. They want to eat him. Now he’s scared. He runs for his life. He’s never shown an inclination to violence. The anime starts with a scene of him running from the authorities because he was raiding the trash cans, and whilst the chase showcased his agility, a fighter he is not.

But he’s just so angry. Pure rage allows him to pick up a metal bar from nowhere and then he whacks one of the dinosaurs, and the dino crumples to the ground, defeated.

So, I stopped the show at that point and didn’t look back. This was about five minutes into episode two.

As I sat there in stunned silence, I couldn’t help but think this would’ve been insane when I was fourteen. In all honesty I’m disappointed, because this anime is hugely popular so my expectations were high. The character designs are cool, the fights look great, it clearly has a dark edge and I’m sure there are plenty of devastating back stories, but I think seeing this angry boy instantly defeat a monster that he didn’t even know existed until moments before, and the whiplash character archetypes thrown at us in quick succession (the cute girl next door, the rough and rugged mentor, the neighbourhood bullies), just left me feeling quite bored. I’d seen it all before.

I’m thinking about the anime that really made me into a certified nerd as a kid, the ones that kind of set the tone for the next couple generations of animanga and that people today look down on in either nostalgia or a bit of cringe, and I still think their “big character power up” moments aged well. Ichigo and Naruto’s work because they both had a physical catalyst for the boost (Rukia and the forbidden scroll respectively), and in One Piece, Luffy already had his devil fruit before the story starts, so punching the lord of the coast and defeating Alvida weren’t half as crazy as seeing a teenager stretch like rubber.

NO SERIOUSLY I’M PISSED BECAUSE THESE CHARACTER DESIGNS ARE CRAZY LIKE LOOK AT THIS BLACK GUY WITH LOCS ARE YOU MAD (and yes, the lil tweaking rap is what made me try the anime out and I dropped it before even meeting this diva)

I have a soft spot for the Big Three because they were all we had back then and it was a fun time, and yes, the nostalgia runs deep. It’s clear Gachiakuta and the many anime like it is simply not for me anymore. Perhaps I’ve outgrown that type of shonen (I seem to be in a sentimental phase lately as my favourite shonen of the moment is The Fragrant Flower Blooms With Dignity). And obviously, I’m comparing Gachiakuta’s opening episode with those anime because I honestly think I would have loved it had it came out at that time, when I was at an age to appreciate that type of storytelling.

I’m clearly in the minority here. This anime has struck a chord with many. One day I might give it another go, but I certainly felt old watching it.

The anime that made me feel old