So basically my dad died, my brother-in-law died, I left my literary agent, and my father-in-law’s in hospital with something very serious. Also, I’m still processing all my mum’s legal affairs since her passing 3 years ago as well as my dad’s (which is far more straightforward and should be cleared up soon). And you know what’s brought me back here, finally writing a little anime/manga/manhwa rant? Yaoi. Yes.

I’ve been reading Flashlight by Yangma for quite some time. It’s a fun, sexy story about bratty musician Yujin, whose rough exterior hides a traumatic childhood, and Aaron, a famous actor with his own difficult past. Aaron is haunted by a video in which a faceless singer performs a song that soothes him, often curing his insomnia. He collides, almost literally, with Yujin — the singer in question — while Yujin’s doing a waiting job and getting up to no good with another man in a toilet cubicle. A lot of mess happens and they end up getting into a relationship of convenience. Yujin needs to pretend to be Aaron’s boyfriend while he writes him a new, personal song. Yujin gets sponsorship and a good time. But obviously, their feelings develop into something far beyond the initial agreement.

The artwork is beautiful and the story progresses nicely. It’s tropey but in a good way: we get uke Yujin, a tsundere type who can hold his own in a fight. His difficult upbringing and father issues means that he’s prone to self-sabotage. Aaron is the typical rich and untouchable seme. Because Aaron is used to getting his way, he doesn’t take kindly to Yujin’s rejection, so he defaults to a possessive, all-encompassing love, using his aggressive prowess in the bedroom to take Yujin down a notch. Nothing we haven’t seen before, but I suppose the blatant archetypes of this pair makes their slow burn development all the more intriguing. At the end of season two, Yujin’s past catches up with him and his father forces himself back into his life. Feeling unworthy of Aaron’s affection, and worried that he’ll become a burden and a blight to his reputation, Yujin escapes to the UK, carving distance as some ill-thought plan to protect Aaron.

This obviously doesn’t go well, and by the start of season three, Aaron is a shell of a man, possessed by his own sense of loss, and embarking on an obsessive mission to track down Yujin and drag him back home. I expected this reaction from Aaron, based on what we know of his character so far. I was disappointed that Yujin ran away, but again, it was in-keeping with the whole self-sabotage thing so I let it slide. As this couple has been slowly moving in a certain direction, carefully acknowledging that their feelings are deeper than they realised, I was looking forward to some subversion of our typical obsession storyline. I hoped that, despite Aaron’s rabid search, when he finally confronted Yujin, it would be with a fragile, exasperated demeanour. I just thought that would make things more interesting.

When chapter 66 first dropped, I tweeted that I hoped the story didn’t go down a Legs That Won’t Walk theme, where Taeseung holds Sooyoung hostage to stop him ending the relationship. In that story, Taeseung’s actions, while abhorrent, were tonally consistent with the story. Legs That Won’t Walk is a gritty, violent manhwa where the only sane and likeable character is Sooyoung himself. When Taeseung finally realises he fucked up, it’s enjoyable to see him endure the emotional turmoil from his own toxic actions. Flashlight, while having its down dark moments here and there, is generally lighthearted. It’s not a gangster story, and it is a little jarring to see Aaron Hunter stalk around the panels like some big mafia boss. He’s a pretty boy actor who needs lullabies to help him sleep. He looks silly.

And Yujin, considering all the upsetting feelings that compelled him to leave in the first place, takes on an inappropriate arrogance, goading Aaron and pretending that he never loved him in the first place. It just a few short pages, all the progress from the previous season is undone, and I’m not entirely sure why. These two have proper things to talk about. They’re both hurt and confused and scared and whatever, and their resolution, upon seeing each other after a year of unexpected estrangement, is emotional manipulation, childish antagonising, and rapey sex. I was truly hoping for more.

I wanted to gage the temperature from the fanbase, so I did some digging on social media. I’m not suprised to see the disappointment from the fanbase. Many are threatening to drop the series all together and stick with Shutline, which is absolutely brilliant and has perfectly developed the two characters of Shin and Jake through several near-death experiences, crises, and moments of doubt and separation. Those are men working it all out. Shutline and Flashlight are often compared to each other as they cover similar character tropes and both have a muscly, ultra manly, dark-haired uke paired with a cool, wealthy, and possessive blond-haired seme. At one point there were tensions sowed between the series, and some meddling fans tried to accuse Yangma of plagiarising Shutline, leading to its author, Shou, having a bit of a low moment on twitter to join in with the accusations. I try to avoid comparing these series because of this history, but as people tend to recommend one or the other due to their basic similarities, I thought it was worth mentioning here anyway — people seem to be desperately searching for a series with the typical tropes and conventions but that doesn’t rely on abuse and noncon themes. As of now, Flashlight has veered into this territory, but it’s unlikely to stay there.

I won’t drop the series. I have hope for these two and for the story. I wish we didn’t have to go through all of this mess to finally get to the budding love we saw in the latter half of season two, but I do believe we’ll get there eventually. And I suppose, perhaps this is a lesson about both Aaron and Yujin’s personalities: they both struggle to deal with their emotions and don’t want to get hurt, so they hurt each other instead as a means for protection. I would love for Yangma to go a bit deeper with this thread, otherwise the current direction will be a bit meaningless. And once they sort out their issues, please can we do something about Yujin’s dad? Aaron can be Yujin’s knight and finally get that man outta here. A fitting ending, I think, and far better than Aaron making an enemy of himself. They obviously both love each other—they just have to adult-up and accept it.

Flashlight. Let's talk about it.